Nightmare-a-Lago
Here Come da Judge!
Having interviewed the Non-Fungible Token Former First Lady at Mar-a-Lago, I am now considered a regular visitor by the Club Security.
I easily gained entrance after I heard that Judge Aileen Lucy Cannon was scouting out the premises today.
I caught up with her at the main buffet bar.
Alice: Aileen!
A. Lucy Cannon: Oh, just call me ‘Your Honor.’
Alice: How about ‘Judge?’
A. Lucy Cannon: That will be ok. Did you have the Mar-a-Lago Triple Burger? It’s to die for.
Who are you? Are you a member here?
Alice: Sort of. Actually, I’m a Russian-Chinese heiress, and a member of the Rothschild family to boot. I’ve interviewed the NFT First Lady here, and was to meet someone else this afternoon—
A. Lucy Cannon: Are you meeting Donny here today? What a coincidence. So am I.
Alice: I understand he wants to have a SCIF here at his golf club so he can view the Government Documents here before his trial. Any thoughts?
A. Lucy Cannon: What’s a Sift?
Alice: A SCIF. A Sensitive Compartmented Information Facility. S-C-I-F.
For viewing sensitive classified government documents. For eyes only.
A. Lucy Cannon: For eyes only?
Alice: Top Secret.
Such as military plans for war against other nations, like Iran, or nuclear arsenal secrets, and—
A. Lucy Cannon: Oh. That. I’ve already decided that issue.
There is a spare bathroom here that is no longer used for anything and it would be a perfect place to establish a secure viewing facility at Mar-a-Lago.
The bathroom has a lock on the door.
Alice: A lock on the inside.
A. Lucy Cannon: Of course. You wouldn’t want someone barging in on you while you were pooping.
Or reading documents about nuclear secrets.
Boxes stored inside a bathroom at Trump's Mar-a-Lago resort in April 2021. Photo: Department of Justice
For heaven’s sake!
And there is an empty stage in the Ballroom that’s no longer in use. Extra documents could be stored there.
Alice: Again.
A. Lucy Cannon: What? Oh, you’re sly. I should have you on my team.
Anyways. When— I mean if the documents are returned to their owner, well, they’ll be here already.
Alice: Sounds as though you have already decided the case.
A. Lucy Cannon: Well, hasn’t everybody in the country? Hello? Don’t you read the papers? Or watch Laura Ingraham?
Did you have the Mar-a-Lago Triple Burger? It’s to die for.
Alice: Is she a Lesbian? Many people are asking.
A. Lucy Cannon: What?! You’re saying the Mar-a-Lago Triple Burger is Lesbian?
Alice: No. Laura Ingraham. I’m not saying. I’m just asking.
She’s 60 years old and has never been married and she is virulently anti-LGBT. Those are sure signs. A telling combo.
A. Lucy Cannon: Oh, Laura. I never thought of her like that, but now that you mention it, she dated George Conway before he married Kellyanne.
Did you know that? I read it in ‘PEOPLE’ magazine.
She dated George Conway, so she must be Lesbian.
I never thought ’til now.
Alice: I’d like to ask about your appointment.
A. Lucy Cannon: Well, he said just hang out in the Club until he showed up.
Alice: No, Aileen—I mean Judge Aileen.
Judge A. Lucy Cannon.
I’m asking about your appointment to the United States District Court for the Southern District of Florida.
A. Lucy Cannon: Oh, that appointment. LOL. That means laughing out loud. Like Ha Ha.
Alice: You were appointed by Donald Trump after he lost the election in November, 2020. Appointed to the Court when he was a lame duck.
A. Lucy Cannon: Did he lose? You better tell him! LOL That means—
Alice: You were appointed by a lame duck president. Who already lost. Do you think that is fair.
A. Lucy Cannon: Fair? I’ll be the judge of that! Get it?
Alice: And you were only 39 years old when appointed. Can we talk about your experience.
A. Lucy Cannon: Yes, I have presided over a lot of criminal trials and—
Alice: Four.
A. Lucy Cannon: What?
Alice: You have been the judge in four criminal cases.
And now you are to preside as judge over one of the most important cases in the history of the United States of America.
A. Lucy Cannon: Do you know President Andrew Johnson never went to school and never earned any degrees?
Alice: He was impeached.
A. Lucy Cannon: Only once.
Alice: Well, yes, that’s true. Only one measly impeachment.
But he was an alcoholic. He was drunk at his own inauguration as vice president for Lincoln’s second term.
Caused President Lincoln to close his eyes in embarrassment.
A. Lucy Cannon: Maybe. But Johnson never went to school and yet became vice president and then president of the USA.
I went to law school.
Alice: But your experience. Only four cases. You only tried four cases.
A. Lucy Cannon: Experience isn’t everything. I went to law school.
Alice: Four criminal cases! For a total of 14 trial days.
Is that enough experience to handle what may be the most important Federal trial in American history?
A. Lucy Cannon: I went to law school.
Alice: In a recent trial, you forgot to swear in the jury.
A. Lucy Cannon: My heavens. If we can’t trust Americans to tell the truth and to decide a trial without swearing an oath, what have we become?
Might as well be Cuba then. My mother escaped there when she was seven.
Went to Colombia and married my father who is from Indiana. Then they escaped Columbia.
Then I escaped Indiana.
Alice: Yeah, but you went to Florida.
And now in another federal case you are presiding over, you failed to give the jury the option of finding the defendant ‘not guilty.’
Isn’t that kind of important?
A. Lucy Cannon: Two words. A small slip up. Let’s not make a Federal Case out of it! LOL
Can I tell you a secret?
I’m moving Donny’s case from the courthouse in Fort Pierce to Mar-a-Lago.
That’s why I’m here today, checking out the premises.
Alice: Why? Why are you moving the trial to a Country Club owned by the defendant?
A. Lucy Cannon: He can’t get a fair trial in Fort Pierce. Only 65% of the people there voted for him.
Everybody has a right to a fair trial by a jury of his peers.
Where else can you find a jury pool of Donny’s peers if not at Mar-a-Lago?
Next question is from me. I wonder where Donny is.
Here Comes The Judge / Sammy Davis Jr. Rowan & Martin’s Laugh In (YouTube)
Read it on Substack or buy the book on Amazon:
To buy "The Land Near Oz" on Amazon
His novel in five parts will be published on Substack. Soon:
“IN A DESERT OR A CITY”
BOOK I
‘PRINCE CARTIER’ or HOW I LEARNED TO LOVE BEING GAY WITH MY SAUDI PRINCE AND TO START WORRYING”
BOOK II
MONSIEUR LE PRINCE, PARIS
BOOK III
THE MYSTERIES OF PARIS
BOOK IV
TYROMANCY AND LUCIFER
BOOK V
WHY WAIT FOR THE LIGHT?