Donald's Crown of Thorns
National broadcast and print media were stunned today when Donald returned to the Manhattan courthouse hallway where he was found guilty 34 (thirty-four) times for an announced press conference. He was wearing a crown of thorns and he handed out 33 (thirty-three) pieces of silver ‘Trump dollars’ to some of the reporters.
When he stopped playing his invisible accordion, he stretched both his palms to the gaggle of geese reporters and the flash from scores of cameras illuminated the oozing stigmata in the palms of his white little hands.
The hush which fell over the crowd of journalists was broken when Peter Doocy of Fox yelled out “Jesus, Mary, and Joseph!” and fell to his knees on the hard dirty concrete of the hallway. As Doocy, aka St. Peter of Murdoch, crossed himself, he was quickly joined by the reporters from Newsmax, One America News, and an Orthodox priest/reporter from Russia Today who began chanting in Old Church Slavonic. Steve Bannon held up an icon of Donald.
Confusion broke out when niece Mary Trump, wearing a shocking pink Substack Press Badge and matching Pussyhat, noted loudly that the crown of thorns appeared to be made of soft rubber and the blood oozing down Donald’s forehead and from the wounds on his palms were the same yellowish-orange shade of pancake makeup the ex-guy is fond of mixing for his exclusive use.
In one corner, Michael Cohen was heard to mumble, “This stigmata is not kosher.”
All fell silent again, when Donald raised a Trump Bible and thumped it loudly three times.
“Blue Light Special on the Trump Bible this week only! Going fast, Patriots, at the one-time low low price of $3.99!
“The whole BIBLE, the CONSTITUTION, the DECORATION of INDEPENDENCE, all that stuff, and Lee Greenwood’s Hymn. All in ENGLISH. God bless the U.S.A.
“When I am re-elected, English will be the official and only language of the U.S.A.
“If English was good enough for Jesus H. Christ, it’s good enough for me!”
Read ‘The Land Near Oz: Two Gay Yankees Move To New Zealand’ on Substack
Aaron Allbright’s novel in five parts will be published soon.
IN A DESERT OR A CITY
BOOK I
‘PRINCE CARTIER’ or HOW I LEARNED TO LOVE BEING GAY WITH MY SAUDI PRINCE AND TO START WORRYING
BOOK II
MONSIEUR LE PRINCE, PARIS
BOOK III
THE MYSTERIES OF PARIS
BOOK IV
TYROMANCY AND LUCIFER
BOOK V
WHY WAIT FOR THE LIGHT?