Political Hair: A Schlock Musical
Need a Hairstylist? Or an Exorcist for Rosemary's Baby?
JAVIER MILEI —
Señor Milei received the most votes in the Primary Elections in Argentina this week. He may be Argentina’s next president.
He is an ardent admirer of Donald Trump.
In junior high school, he was voted the most likely to succeed—
in becoming possessed by Satan.
He also received the most student votes for his Primary Hair Erections. Even at the tender age of 13.
(The Former Guy, speaking at CPAC 2011. Photo by Mark Taylor)
In his own school days, DONALD TRUMP too was voted most likely to succeed.
In finding just the right shade of Clairol Number 9 — or Number 45? — and the right pancake makeup to match an orange prison jump suit.
“Because he’s worth it!”
And because — “Why Be Anything If You Can’t Be A Beautiful 10?”
His classmates expected him to grow up to become a successful Drag Queen. Which he sort of did.
At military academy, when he was only 13, his hair was sexually molested by a red squirrel. His hair has never recovered and suffers from PTSD.
(Ab Sciurus vulgaris. Photo by Andrzej Barabasz)
Red squirrel
MEANWHILE, in not so Merry these days but still rather Olde England, we managed to catch up with Boris Johnson.
The former Prime Minister Johnson of course, not the Boris Johnson (no relation) who owns the dirty pub in Dorset Street, Spitalfields.
Spitalfields, East End of London.
This is where we were told we should likely find the former PM most days of the week after his ignominious fall from grace.
The Rat & Cockle Public House is a hangout, as you undoubtedly know, for some of the most degraded people in the UK.
The others are usually found in Parliament.
(The Former Guy — not Fawkes — who tried to blow up Parliament and the UK. He wishes not to be recognized. He too is often burned in effigy these days.)
Before we could ask a question of the ex-PM, he sloshed warm beer on us and broke into song—
“Give a home for the fleas in my hair
A home for the fleas
A hive for the buzzin' bees
A nest for birds
There ain't no words for the beauty and the splendor
The wonder of my
HAAAAAAAAIIIRRR!!!”
Alas.
We called for help from Rossano Ferretti, the richest and apparently best hairstylist in the world.
(I got his number from a celebrity who categorically wishes to remain anonymous.)
“Prego,” I said. “I wish to ask about some of the political hair one sees these days in England and both the Americas, North and South.
What does it mean? Can nothing be done? Prego!”
Signore Ferretti hung up on us.
Next, we called the Pope’s exorcist in the Vatican City, Father Gabriele Amorth.
“Prego, Father! Can nothing be done? Prego!”
Gabe recited this prayer of exorcism over the iPhone, with his final commentary:
“Carry our prayers up to God's throne, that the mercy of the Lord may quickly come and lay hold of the beast, the serpent of old, Satan and his demons, casting him in chains into the abyss, so that he can no longer seduce the nations. Amen.
But I don’t think it will work in these most extreme cases.”
Then he hung up on us.
You may purchase a photo of Father Amorth from Getty Images. Personally, I believe photo number 6 might possibly be the most effective:
https://www.gettyimages.com/photos/gabriele-amorth
––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––
Aaron Allbright is the author of “THE LAND NEAR OZ: Two Gay Yankees Move to New Zealand”
Read it on Substack:
Or buy the book on Amazon:
To buy "The Land Near Oz" on Amazon
His novel in five parts will be published on Substack.
Soon:
“IN A DESERT OR A CITY”
BOOK I
‘PRINCE CARTIER’ or HOW I LEARNED TO LOVE BEING GAY WITH MY SAUDI PRINCE AND TO START WORRYING
BOOK II
MONSIEUR LE PRINCE, PARIS
BOOK III
THE MYSTERIES OF PARIS
BOOK IV
TYROMANCY AND LUCIFER
BOOK V
WHY WAIT FOR THE LIGHT?